Wanting to change?

[oli271271]

I've come to a realisation over the past year about my eating habits. First off, a bit of background. After struggling for my whole life (I'm 22) with SED, I attended the first of Felix's workshops in London about a year ago. The session was great, and I came out of it able to try things I'd never dreamed of for a while. I felt a huge change in attitude towards food after the session, mainly in that I wasn't "scared" of trying things anymore. By no means was I "cured," but I was able to try things. Obviously I didn't like everything, but it was a start. After a while, however, my enthusiasm started to fade, and my friends and family were a little confused as to why I stopped trying new things. It took me a while to realise it, but what I did realise was that my 21 years of pure food phobia had, I think, put me off the idea of food in a bigger way than I'd imagined. I had thought that once I could try things, I would turn "normal" and go out for meals, spend time cooking etc, like others do. But it occured to me that I had no desire to do these things. What I mean is, food as something to enjoy, as a social event, holds no appeal to me whatsoever. I eat to survive, and to be frank, I'd rather not bother at all. Even the things I do like, I don't like enough to say I really enjoy them. I'd much rather go to a pub with my friends than to a restaurant. I'd rather sit and watch TV than spend hours cooking, even if it results in a meal I actually like. I can't grasp how people enjoy food so much, not just the actual taste, but all the social trappings that come with it. It's quite difficult to articulate, especially in text, but I wondered if anybody else felt the same?

What this means for me is that I've found it much more difficult to progress, because I don't think I actually want to. As has been said so many times, to change, you need to want to change. I don't think I want to change enough to make it happen. I've accepted this, and it doesn't bother me in my day to day life because I know I can eat enough to get by, even when I do have to go out for a meal. I'm not sure what my point is really, I think I just had to get it off my chest. I guess it's similar to smoking. I'm a smoker, (I know, i know) and obviously people ask me why I don't quit. Invariably, I reply "because I don't want to." I really enjoy smoking, but it's not just the cigarette that I enjoy, I enjoy the whole experience of rolling a cigarette, sitting down, relaxing and enjoying it. I guess this is what people mean about food...to them, it's not just the taste of the food, but the whole experience. So to non smokers, I guess they can't see why I enjoy smoking, just like I can't see why people enjoy food.

Unfortunately, I guess that means I'll probably never enjoy it like most people do. Oh well.


Thanks!

[lil_miss_understood]

i do get where ur coming from.

i dunno why ppl get soo excited about food, and get excited at even discussing food, diff recipies, or diff restaurants etc.

we eat to survive and thats it really!

[scubamel]

I also understand where you are coming from. food is just food to me - something to eat because I need it. I was recently on holidays in Tenerife with a great group of people, but all they did was talk about food all day. Not long after breakfast they were planning and salivating over what they were going to have for dinner that night!

I actually enjoy baking though, even if it's not something I can eat. I can't cook to save myself though!

I also understand what you mean about enthusiam wavering. While I'm still keen to try new things, because I live by myself I don't do it very often (only if I go out for a meal). When I'm at home it's still the same thing every day as at the moment I don't feel it's worth the effort to cook up a whole meal to that I will proabably only taste a little bit of.

[mat]

I'm with you on the cooking thing. It's so time consuming and I don't see myself ever wanting to do it for its own sake.

I don't really appreciate good food even if it is something I like but there is still something to enjoy in going out for a meal. I may never want to go somewhere just for the food, but I can still appreciate the company of the people I'm there with.

[hannahx200]

Hey, I was there too!! I am also not progressing massively, I eat a little more than I used to. But for me I think it's partly a routine thing and partly a I don't know what the heck to do. Having avoided food for 20+ years I don't really know what anything is and where to start etc. And it is intimidating completely re-writing a routine/lifestyle. Though I am being checked out for a few things by Dr and have feeling changing diet will be big part of that ....

Anyway I guess the point is don't worry about it too much. You know it worked, you're healthy and there are plenty of other things to focus on. Foodies are small minority I think, it's just when you don't eat a lot you assume it's everyone!

[Felix]

Hi guys,

Been away from the forum for a while but saw your posts.

The workshop is designed to get you to overcome old panicky phobic responses to food, which it did. What it can't do for you is make you 'like' something of your own free will. It just gives you the choice - to choose what you want to do with food. If I cure a dog phobia, the person doesn't need to have a pet dog if they don't want to, it just means they are not constrained when going out anymore. That's why if you're feeling uninspired about food, its worth consulting some kind of nutritionist or even chef to get some new ideas into cooking, rather than the same old same old which will leave you feeling bored of food as a whole. What needs to change are your values around food, which can't be done in the workshop due to time.

One of the ways I assist with this is to work with the Part that is 'running' the food agenda seems to be saying "I don't see why I should eat something if I don't like it", and it resists attempts by others telling it 'you should eat healthy food..." Which seems reasonable at first. That part is so focused on not being bullied or pressurised into doing something it doesn't want, that it overlooks other issues. Its only focused on the short term. If that part continues to eat limited food today or tomorrow, you would not see any change on that timeframe. But then I remind that part about choices and consequences. If it knew for a fact that 15 years down the line there would be serious health complications as a result of only eating what it wants now, would that change the way it sees food? how much would it be worth to that part to prevent that problem happening now? we don't have to like everything we do. We don't have to love salads, fruit, going to the gym, paying bills, going to work, doing our taxes, changing nappies etc. We do those things because they all ultimately make our lives better in the long term and its prevents a lot more problems down the line. These things we do are the vehicles which allow us to have the good things - money and the things it can buy, holidays, travel, spending time with family and friends, whatever.
So ultimately its about sticking to the long-term view, maintaining persistence in trying new things until you hit on foods which are not so bad, and then later on which you even quite like and look forward to. The focus on the long-term view changes your meaning about food right now. I value my work because my work in turn allows to me experience the things i really love, so work itself becomes valued as well.

Keep the faith,
Felix

[hannahx200]

Hi Felix,

I think that basically summed it up really. As I said I'm undergoing some tests at the doc, the results of which I strongly suspect will need diet change. But even if it doesn't it has been enough of a 'scare' for me to pick the whole thing up a notch. I don't think it is a result of 20+ years of bad eating but I still feel quite guilty about it. As you've said it has taken away the fear but the going forward momentum has to be created and that is an individual thing.

[oli271271]

Felix,

You're definitely right- my phobia is almost (if not completely) gone. I have no fear of it now. I remember my sister used to chase me round the house with a block of cheese as a child because I was so scared of it. Now I'd either eat it, or just laugh. The dog analogy is a good one; it doesn't necessarily mean the person will suddenly become a Crufts enthusiast, but they will be able to walk through a garden where a dog is or whatever.

I guess the next step is then to use the fact that the fear is gone to, as you say, change the attitude towards food, and the way we perceive it. To be honest, I think since the workshop last year, I've got to the stage now where as long as I'm in England, I'm absolutely fine with food. I can eat at cafes, having mastered that ubiquitous snack, "The Sandwich," restaurants, having overcome my fear of sauces, and at other people's houses. My problem comes when I go abroad, and the food is so radically different. Europe is OK, but for example places like Hong Kong and the rest of Asia for that matter, I struggle. As I mentioned in an earlier post, I survived in Hong Kong, and am sure I will again, but it is that much more difficult.

The point I'm getting round to is that because I can eat reasonably well in England (I eat healthily, get my five a day, and a good balance of protein and carbs and fat), and I suffer from the lack of enthusiasm we've discussed, I see "no need" to keep trying to extend my palate. I know deep down it's silly of me, but I lack the enthusiasm in the first place, and this is compounded by the fact that I do eat quite well, so I don't have the worry of "if I don't change, I'll have health problems."

The main thing I have realised though, is that I'll never (and I'm sure Felix will disagree lol) change enough that I will see food as the huge excitement that most people seem to. The thing about being on holiday and people looking forward to food is so alien to me. I live with four friends, and each morning they discuss with excitement what they'll have for tea that night. Of course I enjoy the social side of going to a restaurant etc, but it is purely about the company for me.

Oli

[lil_miss_understood]

i agree with you Oli. We are never gonna smell something cooking, or walk into a restaurant and have out mouth watering for what we may b about to gobble up.

Tho I would say that I do not have a phobia or fear of new foods.

I am able to try things, but I just do not like the taste, smell or texture of them.

I am very sensitive that way as in, I can only wear certain clothes, only like some materials etc, and that just contunies with what I will or won't eat. how it smells, tastes and the texture of it determins weather I will eat it.

I am not scared of a sponge BUT i really hate how it feels to touch, its the same with food.

[Felix]

Hi guys,

I do sympathise with your positions. There's absolutely nothing wrong with just seeing food as a fuel ('eat to live' vs 'live to eat') - as long as you are eating basic minimum healthy foods.

I'm quite a practical person and before I met my wife, who is a good cook, I would eat in a very pragmatic and repetitive way - making sure i had a dose of protein, carbs, salad, roughage etc. I just wanted to 'fuel up' then got on to more exciting things. I was then seduced by the lure of good food and hence a slightly expanded stomach ensued.

You don't have to get excited or passionate about food to eat healthily though.

I really need to partner up with a chef!

Felix